Marcel Van Eerd

I am not scared
of the dark
but night falls
and I feel trapped
in a shell
I hardly recognize.

With grim determination
silence surrounds me
and allows the walls
of my mind to
act as a sounding
board to amplify
the thoughts
running through
my mind.

Trying to escape
is pointless and
I am forced to
listen to your voice
repeating words
I so desperately
wanted to hear
but were never
spoken.

If I knew how to
shut down your
memory and
allow sleep to
rest my soul
perhaps
I would be able
to embrace another
dream besides
you.

The hardest thing
for me
to understand
what I feel;
to not see
what I should;
why hurt and joy
insist
on a war;
that I can
function still;
why words
heal

The hardest thing
for me
to believe
my judgment;
my tears are
not a weakness;
that God has
forgiven
my mistakes;
friends still
exist;
and lonely nights
will end

Feeling almost ill
dialing the number
of her phone
And fully expecting
the could shoulder
and being alone

The ringing ends
stomach upside down
A familiar hello
Glad you called
almost cried and
now I know

To have friends
I can trust
believing in me
Tells me someday
I’ll be all
I can be